Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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