Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
