when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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