I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
