this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
