my phone needs a breathalizer
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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