he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
