I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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