He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
