I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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