It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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