Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
