the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
