You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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