Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
