i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
