that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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