Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
