How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Randomize
