just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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