Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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