It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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