i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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