just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize