Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
