Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize