You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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