My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
