3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
