Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
