dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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