I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
BRING THE BAGELS
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
