if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
