Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
