the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just high enough for therapy.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
