dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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