And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
