Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
