It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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