There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize