Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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