Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
