i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
