I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
