so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
