How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
