i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
