Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
