So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
