i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
