I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
