did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
