I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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