Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
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