in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
