Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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