it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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