Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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