So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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