It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
