We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
