i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
