She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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