do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
