Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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