I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Life is so much better after having sex.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
