no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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