Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
