Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
