I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
