Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
