All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
