I want to stick my p in your. b.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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