I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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