That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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