I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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