I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
