Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You are a genius and a whore.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
