You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize