Sry I called you an 8
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
