just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
